I mean, you could argue I am someone's mom right now, as ever since I found out I was pregnant I have been treating my body in a special way, to care for my child that is not yet born.
It's pretty terrifying, actually. I think as due day (month) draws closer, the more I find myself freaking out and worrying. Apparently this is normal. I keep wondering if we waited long enough, as we were only married just shy of a year and a half when I found out I was pregnant. Did we have enough time to be just us? Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel a little sad it will not be just us anymore. I feel scared that I won't be a good mom, or Rob will be a disinterested dad. I have petty fears like how destroyed my body will be after giving birth, and will Rob still be attracted to me? I worry I won't have the energy to keep up with everything and when I'm tired I'm cranky and mean and how much of a strain will that be on everyone? I worry about finances, since I will not be working and babies are expensive. I worry that being a stay at home mom will be lonely.
But, please don't think I am not extremely excited as well. I am excited for this next step, and to see myself and Rob as mom and dad, and how we will be as a family. I am excited to hold the baby for the first time, and to see Rob hold him. I am excited to see what baby looks like, if he looks more like Rob or like me. I am excited to see his personality, and later his interests. Who will he befriend? What sports will he play? What music will he like? I once joked with Rob that because of all the metal/hardcore bands we made fun of during The Beneath days, our future son is going to want to be in a band like that, and practice in our home.
I have fears about life changing, but I am excited for it, too. Everything is going to change, but change is good.
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