an update on all that.

So, if you read the previous post you may have got the impression that I am unstable.  I would like to say that while there is a possibility that may be true, things are currently back to "normal".  And while I can't promise something like this won't happen again (because it will), we will persevere and grow because of it.

We love each other, I promise.

<3

confessions of an imperfect marriage.

So, I have two weaknesses.

Actually, I have way more than two weaknesses.  But there are two that are immediately relevant to the story I am about to present.  And they are (drum roll, please):

1. communication

2. conflict resolution

Every time Rob and I have some kind of marital tiff, I feel an urge to write about it on this blog.  However, I always stop myself because if I did, this blog would appear to be highly negative and I do not think it is healthy to publish things that are of a more personal nature.  On the other hand, the original purpose of this blog was to document the first year of our marriage and if I failed to mention any of the "bad" stuff, I would be deceiving myself whenever I looked back.  Because let's be real, this crap exists.

Back to the issue.  This evening my beloved cousin Hannah was in a play for her college.  She had invited both Rob and myself over a week ago.  Since that time, I have mentioned the play twice to Rob, and both times he appeared willing to go.  That is, there were no objections.  When I arrived home from work at approximately a quarter after six, I told Rob that we could pick up dinner while we were out.  I do not remember his exact response, only that in print it would appear to sound congenial but in real life, his voice was full of irritation and it was more than obvious that he did not want to go.

This would be the point where my communication weakness comes in to play.

I say, "You don't have to go if you don't want to."

Do I mean that?  Absolutely not.  What I mean is: "You don't have to come, but if you don't I am going to be silently super pissed at you most likely for the duration of the evening and maybe even into the next day depending on how everything goes."

I feel like Rob has to know this about me.  How many loaded responses have I given him since we have started dating?  And how many times have they backfired in the exact manner that I am about to show you and we have to go through this all over again?  Why are we so freaking terrible at communicating?

Continuing.  

A few minutes pass.  I ask, "Are you really not coming?"

He says, "Do you want me to?"

I say, "Obviously I want you to come or I wouldn't have asked you."

Now, this exchange really should not have created the amount of tension that it did.  And really, if I know anything about my husband, all the tension was coming from my end.  Seriously.  It is easier to light a wet match than make Rob Chipman upset.  Knowing this only makes things worse for me in situations such as these and at this point, I am wound about as tight as I can go, and I am feeling uncomfortable and on the edge of hurt, so I resort to my number one defense mechanism: sarcasm.

So I spew out some sarcastic response, leaving him no time to respond before I am out the door.

What am I, five years old?  

Then of course at the play, I see my aunt and uncle and cousin and I am feeling embarrassed to be showing up without my husband, because I automatically assume they can smell marital drama on me.  And the play is good, but I just feel like crying because I handled the situation so poorly.

This is where weakness number two comes in.  Conflict resolution.  I can't do it.  I step out of the car at home completely ready to play the victim, and then I step inside and immediately noticed he has cleaned the whole house.  That was clearly a step to make things right.  And I can't even take it.

Dammit.

I lose.

Why is it that I can never manage to be the bigger person in these stupid fights?  Why do I insist on acting like a child?  Why am I so terrible at communicating my feelings and expectations in a civil manner?  

Ughhhh. 

Reading back over this, it literally might be the most idiotic thing I have ever read.  But that's my life.  

Future self, hopefully you have grown up a bit. 

new things

About today.

I totally took Rob to dinner at BW3s, which he loves so much but I refuse to believe counts as a legitimate meal, and came home and watched Star Trek with him, which he loves and I tolerate, and now I'm baking him cupcakes.

Why?

Well, obviously because I am the greatest wife ever (I jest).  But the more immediate reason is ROB IS GETTING A NEW JOB!  A real, official grown-up job with tuition reimbursement, insurance, and retirement.  Plus a higher salary and money toward our cell bill every month.  He also has the opportunity to work largely from home, which is what he wants to do. I am so proud of him.

However, I may never see him again.  He is supposed to be starting school in May at NKU to get a bachelor's, will continue working full-time, and possibly still teaching at Cincinnati State.

Oh well.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Or something.

ten months later

and we have our wedding video!

I know everyone that reads this is also on my facebook, but I decided to repost anyway.

I kind of love it.

And by kind of, I mean I've probably watched it ten times at least.


Abi & Rob's Wedding Video from Rob Chipman on Vimeo.


:)

richard scarry

is awesome.

I have already planned that my non-existant and noteveninthecurrentplanning child's room will be in the theme of Richard Scarry.  Is that weird?

His pictures are so cute and I can't even help it.

^^^^^^^^^best idea ever^^^^^^^^^^^

Thanks Richard Scarry, for being perfect.

books books books

So, I have something embarrassing to share.

I recently finished the book A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness.  Why is this embarrassing?  Because it's basically freaking Twilight.  For middle-aged women.

No, I have not actually read Twilight but I have seen the movie (...all three *shuns self*). This is how I can draw similarities.  If Bella was a witch with a doctorate, this book would be Twilight.    No offense of course if you are into that kind of thing.  Well, a little bit of offense, because it's really lame.

The worst part is, I knew that it was retarded and I was wasting my life...but I couldn't stop reading it.

And it's a trilogy.

Oh dear.  

In my defense, I did not read the synopsis before I started reading.  And by the time I realized what I was getting into, it was too late.

HOWEVER, the book I am currently reading is soooooo much better.

It is called The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss.   If you like epic fantasy junk you would love this book.  Rob originally downloaded this book to his Kindle and then immediately recommended it to me.  So I am reading it on his Kindle on my break at work and it is awesome.  I can't wait to finish it and read the next one, The Wise Man's Fear.


In other news, I bought a denim vest today.  Heck yeah, the 90s.

weekend summary

It is the awesomest (word) weather ever outside.

I feel like my mood skyrockets when I can have the windows open.  Fresh air is the greatest thing in the entire world.  Even though it's super windy - so far our table lamp, two pictures frames, and the entire window pane have been blown off due to excessive blusteriness (word). 

This weekend has been really good. Friday we went out to dinner with my sister-in-law, Jessie and her husband Erik, and precious baby Ethan.  We went to Arloi Dee in Mason.  It is a Thai restaurant, but I ordered my staple off the Chinese menu, sweet and sour chicken. And it was SO GOOD.  Omg.  Best sweet and sour chicken OF ALL TIME.  OF ALL TIME.  Our attempt at going to the movies was fail though as the movie was sold out and it was too late to catch another so we went to steak-n-shake and had desserts instead :)  Good times.

Yesterday I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned on our living room/dining room/kitchen region of the house, mopping and dusting and whatnot and it looks so wondrously clean I cannot help but be in a good mood.  Also yesterday I hung out with my mom for a little bit and she gave me two (!) spring Yankee candles.  I love Yankee candles so much that it might be considered pathetic.  And then I bought two (!) pairs of sandals at American Eagle, and they are very glorious sandals.  It makes me long for summer even more desperately.

But because I bought sandals, I had to allow John Robert Chipman to get the new video game he wanted today after church.  This means we will probably not have a real conversation for the next couple months, as he will be absorbed wholly into this game.  That was admittedly a dramatic statement.

Other good things include the fact that we have gone on a walk every day this weekend.  Walks are my favorite.

Rob went on a man date with our friend Sam, and when they got back we chatted with Sam a little bit and then headed to Chipotle for dinner.  We were going to take it on a picnic to the park, but it was waaaaaay too windy.  So we went to the park afterward, hence the photo dump below.

I can't wait until it's always like this.


At least, you know, for three or four months or so.



<3